New Year's Resolutions

Dear fans,

I'm Sorry I've left you longing for my wonderful mewsings. Things have been very busy at my house. I've got a sister. She's pretty evil. I kind of hate her. But she's also okay, sometimes. But I would never admit such a thing. I am a great Appalachian Hunter. But she jumps on my head and pulls my tail and, get this, she even breathes my air! She's horrible.

My parents are always complaining about jobs. They say they have to keep going to buy me treats. But I just got a ton of treats from Santa. So I don't know why they keep going. It's stupid.

My parents are kind of stupid.

So, I know lots of people are hoping I talk a lot because I'm very smart. So I pinky-tail promise to tell you all about it.

But right now, I need to  run around the house because my sister is hiding cause she's a baby.

Happy Mew Year!

For my fans

I was afraid my parents ran away from home. That would make me really sad. Mostly cause they feed and water me. And I might have to go back in the cat room. That would suck. But even if my parents died in a bad train accident, my grandma would never send me back to the cat room. I love grandma.

BUT my parents did come back. They went to see my Aunties Jill and Andrea. Mom and Dad came back smelling like all kinds of weird things. I didn't like that. So I had to get rid of the smells. I'm really good at that. I'm good at rubbing up on stuff and making it smell better.

Mom told me about my cousins Jiggs and Sir and Lady and Judah. They seem weird. But I want to meet them. But only if they come here. I hate the car. They are the worst. If they come over and visit, I'll even let them use my litterbox. I'm that nice. And Jiggs can eat some of my food. But NOT my toys. Sharing is overrated.

I'm really nice. Like I taught my mom the pinkie/tail promise. She said I couldn't pinkie promise because I don't have a pinkie. I showed her! I can do it with my tail. And that is waaaaay more sophisticated than a stupid human pinkie promise.

I don't remember what the promise was about. So it must not have been important. But don't tell my mom. Cause to her, getting my way is of the utmost importance! Always.

My name is Percy. And I'm awesome. I'm a cat and the best.

I like crunchy things, ketchup, ranch dressing, honey, and cheese. And cheddar bunnies. I like to hunt crickets, but not granddaddy longlegs. Their legs are too long and tickle on the way down. And they taste bad.

My favorite show is Wikipedia. I want a Christian Monitor. A monitor is a lizard. I looked it up on wikipedia. I asked my mom why a lizard would have religious preferences, and she just laughed. Christian monitors must be funny. That's why I want one.

This is my forever home, but it's my second one. I'm with the same parents, but we moved to live with more people like Grandma. I like her a whole. And Pickles. I don't like her when she bites me in the ass. And Jewel, she's the best.

I like my parents except for when they're dumb. My dad is dumb a lot. My mom is clingy and won't let me go on adventures when I want to. Dad says I'm weird. Mom says I'm like my dad. My dad says he's weird, so I guess I'm weird too. It's complicated on facebook.

I don't like vacuums. They are scary. I have to protect my mousey from vacuums. I don't like it NutriPaste is the devil. I love my collar.

I like to help my dad read and grade papers. And I like to play my mom's video games. I am a sith lord or something. I like squishy blankets the best. I have lots of nicknames I don't get like the Bastard Prince of Siam.

And that's me. Percy the awesome.