My name is Percy. And I'm awesome. I'm a cat and the best.

I like crunchy things, ketchup, ranch dressing, honey, and cheese. And cheddar bunnies. I like to hunt crickets, but not granddaddy longlegs. Their legs are too long and tickle on the way down. And they taste bad.

My favorite show is Wikipedia. I want a Christian Monitor. A monitor is a lizard. I looked it up on wikipedia. I asked my mom why a lizard would have religious preferences, and she just laughed. Christian monitors must be funny. That's why I want one.

This is my forever home, but it's my second one. I'm with the same parents, but we moved to live with more people like Grandma. I like her a whole. And Pickles. I don't like her when she bites me in the ass. And Jewel, she's the best.

I like my parents except for when they're dumb. My dad is dumb a lot. My mom is clingy and won't let me go on adventures when I want to. Dad says I'm weird. Mom says I'm like my dad. My dad says he's weird, so I guess I'm weird too. It's complicated on facebook.

I don't like vacuums. They are scary. I have to protect my mousey from vacuums. I don't like it NutriPaste is the devil. I love my collar.

I like to help my dad read and grade papers. And I like to play my mom's video games. I am a sith lord or something. I like squishy blankets the best. I have lots of nicknames I don't get like the Bastard Prince of Siam.

And that's me. Percy the awesome.